Posted On:02. 11. 15
This article is going to train you how to write a good (not good) email on eHarmony or any other online dating service.
Overheen the course of any given month, I get about 40-50 emails from people asking mij for dating advice. Lately I have bot noticing a trend amongst the females te which they are not able to get guys to react to their emails. For illustration purposes, I am going to use my friend Sally who came to mij with the precies same problem last week.
Sally is a very attractive 26 year old. She has a good job and comes from a fine family. She is funny and witty and the precies type of lady that any dude would desire of dating. With one exception…
Te the past week and a half, she has emailed about 15 different guys and not one has responded to hier request for communication. I took a look at hier personality profile, then took a look at hier emails and found the root cause of the problem. I asked hier to write an email to one of hier matches, but not send it.
She talent mij hier permission to cut and paste the email into this postbode:
“Hi John ! I just got back from Pilates class and I’m tired. Work wasgoed just out of arm today…Had Trio meetings and the 2nd one caused mij to be late for the third one. Oh well, I shouldn’t complain because for the past Four years I have bot working towards this promotion and I guess it comes with the territory. After work I had exactly 30 minutes to druppel my car off at the dealership before Pilates class began. The doll at the rental car place wasgoed taking hier sweet time and the printer wasgoed malfunctioning so by the time I got out of there I wasgoed already 15 minutes late to class.
I guess this is just one of those days for mij !
Well, hope you had a good day and ttyl !”
Ok, so what wij have here on the surface is a seemingly innocuous looking email from Sally to a fellow named John. Ter it, she describes hier hectic day and how nobody/nothing wasgoed on time. That nice….if “John” wasgoed the brand name of a diary that she picked up at Staples instead of a live human being.
When John reads this email, what is he going to think/say? I would consider myself a master linguist and even I would have a hard time responding to that email. Sally talent John nothing to go off of. She basically treated him spil if he wasgoed hier individual diary. This is utterly impersonal and basically says to John:
“Hey, I’m the center of attention here and TMZ and the Paparazzi should be following mij around with a t.v. team and camera to document the most mundane events te my life.” See you at 6:30pm on Fox Channel 11 right after the Simpsons !!
This email is a clear crimson flag to John that she might be somewhat self absorbed (perhaps a bit shallow) and atrocious at interpersonal communication abilities. I have known Sally for almost Ten years and she does not getraind into one of those categories. Sally is relatively fresh to online dating and doesn’t realize that there is an unwritten code of conduct when it comes to writing emails. I pointed this out to hier and she told mij that she indeed couldn’t think of anything interesting to say….
Sally met John through eHarmony. I told hier that it wasgoed inexcusable that she could not think of anything interesting to say to him. Had she bot a member of one of the “lower end” online dating services, wherein all you have to go off of is a cheesy picture and a duo of paragraphs of “about me” then I could plausibly understand….but not with eHarmony.
Te a nutshell, before you are given the option to loosely communicate with your matches on eHarmony, you voorwaarde very first go through something called “guided communication” wherein you have to choose Four questions to send to your match. eHarmony already gives you the questions (or you can ask your own) and all your match has to do is react to those questions either te their own words or pre-answers that eHarmony lists.
So before you get to the point where you can loosely communicate back and forward ter the eHarmony system, you have already gotten to know fairly a bit about the other person. There is a ton of information that you can use to compose a very well written, thoughtful email to your matches on eHarmony.
I told Sally that she should have gone back to those Q&A “guided communication” section and pulled a duo of good questions from his answers. She could have asked him to expand upon his love for dining and cooking. She could have asked him where he plans on traveling this year since he told hier that he loves to travel internationally. Ter the end, I took a look at hier guided communication with John and created a sample email that she SHOULD have sent him ter the very first place:
“Hey John ! Well, wij ultimately made it to open communication ! So tell mij a bit more about your love for cooking….what’s your beloved cooking style? Mine is Italian. I don’t cook spil often spil I like to due to my sometimes hectic work schedule, but when I do I love to make the same pasta dishes that my Grandmother brought here from the old country. Any plans on going out of the country this year? I just got back from Hawaii a few months ago (for work). I haven’t bot outside the country but am embarking to do some research on flights spil I would love to go to Italy this summer.
Anyways, hope you had a superb day and talk to you soon !”
The above email wasgoed brief and sweet, yet to the point. Ter it, there are many topics of discussion that John can “pull from” to reply back with a excellent response. Trust mij, if a man is into you….and you send him an email that is similar to what I just wrote, he will have no problem composing a good reply.
That email did not give out any irrelevant information about Sally (that would raise a crimson flag te John’s mind). Sally instead greeted him, picked out two things to further expand upon (that they shortly spoke about via “guided communication”) and then said hier goodbye. Sally did not come off spil desperate, needy, clingy or talent off any sort of crimson flags that would send John packing for the hills. It did however give John much information to pull from when he writes his reply back to Sally.
Long emails are fine….just not for the very first Three or Four times you communicate. Long winded emails are a very good indication of chemistry and attraction, but when you commence throwing out irrelevant information from the get-go, you are only scaring people away.