He doesn – t ask questions – The Boston Globe

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Q. I met this dude online ter June. He lives across the country, and I&rsquo,m here te Boston. Since wij began speaking, he&rsquo,s visited mij te Boston twice, and I visited him merienda. I indeed like him. I mean, I think he&rsquo,s very attractive, he&rsquo,s a good person, and he&rsquo,s good inbetween the sheets.

But I feel like he shows no rente te my life. Meaning, he doesn&rsquo,t ask mij any questions, shows no curiosity about what I do, where I come from, what I like, who I am .&thinsp.&thinsp. anything. I&rsquo,m not used to this, I guess. Usually, when I very first embark to date people, there is a passion, a light, an energy where wij are both starved to learn about the other.

With this man, for example, when I visited him ter his hometown, at one point wij were ter the car for three hours, and the car rail wasgoed essentially silent. Wij don&rsquo,t know each other that well yet so I felt/feel like there should be so much to explore, talk about, and learn about each other. But when I attempted to embark conversation, he responded, &ldquo,You don&rsquo,t like muffle very much, do you?&rdquo,

I attempted to explain that I have nothing against muffle, but I feel like wij should be talking and learning more about each other at this early stage. So then he asked mij, &ldquo,How wasgoed your day?&rdquo, and I responded, but I had spent the entire day te the car with him, so there wasn&rsquo,t much to say. But then it fell plane again, tho’ I did my best to reply with open answers and questions back at him, modeling the behavior I wasgoed hoping for from him.

When I attempt to bring up the fact that this truly bothers mij, he responds defensively, telling something along the lines of &ldquo,Ugh, why are you complaining?&rdquo, So, I end up laughing it off for fear of coming across spil needy or uptight. When I tell him it truly bothers mij, he assures mij I shouldn&rsquo,t take it personally. However, when I am with him, he always seems interested te other things &mdash, his phone, outside, something else, anything else.

Despite this, I am somehow still attracted to him and somehow still think he is a good person. The occasions when he does seem tuned te to what I&rsquo,m telling, he comes across spil kleuter and insightful. Te inbetween visits, wij do talk on the phone, but the conversations are light, casual, and mostly about him.

I know that I won&rsquo,t be able to get everything I&rsquo,m looking for ter one person. But given the fact that wij live so far bijzonder, and that this is a substantial concern (right?), I don&rsquo,t know what to do. There are some times that I have an absolute blast with him and wij have similar goals and desires and come from similar family backgrounds, so I could see myself possibly building a future with him. But then there&rsquo,s the surplus of the time.

What do you think?


A. You&rsquo,re not compatible. Sorry.

You want to develop an emotional connection with this boy, but he wants to talk about himself and look at his phone. He&rsquo,s not nosey about your life and he wants you to be quiet. He&rsquo,s not a bad person, he&rsquo,s just wrong for you.

It sounds like you&rsquo,re sticking around for the hook-up. You&rsquo,re attracted to him and you like that part of the relationship. If there were a way to love him with no strings fastened, I&rsquo,d say go for it. But you&rsquo,re already te too deep and you&rsquo,re clearly looking for a verdadero playmate. Hookup can&rsquo,t keep a relationship together. I mean, it can .&thinsp.&thinsp. but not for very long.

Let him go and find someone who wants to know more about you. Leave him with his quiet time.


You need a reality check, honey. Very first thing&rsquo,s very first: Why are you meeting people online from across the country?? What is the point of this relationship? You guys have seen each other three times ter seven months. Of course you have nothing to talk about .&thinsp.&thinsp.

This is not a relationship, this dude is not interested te you spil a person. When you want to learn more about him and converse and connect, he basically tells you to &ldquo,shut up.&rdquo,

When you&rsquo,re only spending maybe 15 days out of 7 months together, 100% of the time should be an absolute blast.

I&rsquo,ve seen a loterijlot of people meet and fall te love and none say, &ldquo,It works because wij have similar family backgrounds.&rdquo,

The good thing is that you can see the crimson flags flapping. The bad news is that you don&rsquo,t take act. Why is that? The man doesn&rsquo,t respect your needs when you voice them. Time to walk away gracefully with a semblance of esteem in-tow.

This isn&rsquo,t going to work. This is his personality &mdash, who he is. It&rsquo,s not who you are or what you need. Lots of people are good looking and good ter bloembed &mdash, go find someone else who can give you the surplus of what you need. This is WAY too compelled.

You can get lovemaking a loterijlot cheaper than the cost of air fare. Spil a matter of fact, you can very likely get it for free.

He sounds like a strange bird to mij. I don&rsquo,t know how you can say you have an absolute blast with him at times when he doesn&rsquo,t know the very first thing about you. I&rsquo,d say sayonara to this one.

I dated someone long distance (Moe to NJ) and the only reason it survived spil long spil it did wasgoed because wij had so much to talk about and were emotionally compatible. If all you have is the physical, this is not going to work. Sorry.

Say goodbye. He very likely won&rsquo,t even ask you why.

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